Workout Mania- Redefining My Life

With only 3 weeks left ‘til I come home, I have set my sights on only gaining the body that I want. I have decided to watch my portions, go walking, exercise multiple times daily and have started tracking everything (including my exercises and everything I eat). I have decided to gain a new perspective on life and just go for it!! My favorite quote is “Identify your goal and go for it!” I wish I knew who said it! I might want to listen more to them!! But I have identified my goal! My goal: By New Year’s I will lose at least one pant size. 

With my new motivation comes a new ideal of what I want in life. Sadly, I do not want to live in the dorms… My work, family, and support group are all in East Carbon… I think staying home would make it easier on everybody! My work, family, and support group all live in East Carbon, I could take the kids to school and I could still have my weekly dates with my mommy.  I would have to wake up super early, but I would have to be up that early to take the kids to school anyways, so it would be PERFECT!! Actually, I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before!!

The reason this thought occurred to me is because I want a diet/workout buddy and I want that to be my mom and grandma… So, Mom, if you are reading this, here is my proposition: I sleep in Hannah’s room, keep my things all clean, do my own laundry, make breakfast for us, and try to bring only joy and happiness and I get to move back home! :D I want to go on walks for you but I don’t want to have to drive 30 minutes to go on a walk! I want to go on a diet, but do you know how hard that would be when I am on my own?? You know I can’t say no to food…. I need you! So, please! I have been away from home long enough! Don’t we want to use that extra money for my books and gas instead of a dorm room? :D I know I sure do!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is usually a time to stuff your face with family and friends… but while being here in Ukraine, it became so much more! I now realize that it isn’t the feast that makes the day wonderful! It is all the family gathered around with smiles and wonderful stories to share. It is the kids running around, too hyper to sit because they see the desert and can’t wait to throw their faces in it! I also realized that I don’t want it unless I am with my family… though I love the people here in Ukraine, I could not participate in their Thanksgiving party for it wasn’t with my family and I finally realized that they were trying to have the American experience in Ukraine…

This is Ukraine and none of them have ever heard of Thanksgiving. I chose this day to spend on myself. I decided to complete some homework and to start reading my scriptures again. It was time I started thinking of myself and not others! This was definitely the day to do it! Nobody was home for most of the day so I was able to sit on my bed and accomplish a lot of things I would otherwise left undone. I am so thankful for this time to be able to write! Though it will not be published on Thanksgiving I want to tell everybody all that I am thankful for!

I am thankful for my families (Ukrainian and American), I am grateful for the love of my friends and their support which has given me the ability to know what I am capable of and to know that I am worth something! I am so glad that I was able to come here to this country and be able to experience a whole new way of life! I am so thankful for that!! I am especially grateful for my mommy in America… She has seen me through a lot of pain, troubles, problems and happy times, also. She is the one I know I can turn to for help! I know this because my Heavenly Father gave her to me for that reason! I am thankful for my wonderful computer that allows me to talk to my family and friends half way around the world and still be able to be connected in their lives! Hey! I am being honest here, so I also want to thank those “cosmic forces” in my life that caused my Ipod to die a terrible death because it showed me that I need to be more responsible…. I only hope that I can be lucky and get another one someday soon! :D

I just want to share my testimony at the closing of this blog… I know that my Heavenly Father loves me for he has given me so much to be grateful for! I can finally see the blessings through all the pain and sorrows. I want to thank him for that perspective on life and for the ability to have so many people who cared and could help me through those points in time! I love Him so much and I love living the life He gave me so much! I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

I had an amazing night with my Ukrainian friends last night!!! Today, I finally realized the reason why I am in this specific group, what I need to do, and how many days I have left....

I have decided that the reason I was put in this group is for my own personal growth!! I have been secluded to a certain mindset and I needed to escape it!! On Tuesday night at institute, we were learning about Lot and his family. When I read Genesis 19:17, I thought LITERALLY "Escape!!! If you don't get out, your life can never progress into what you want and need it to be!! If you keep looking to the past to define you, you will keep feeling the same way and that would completely waste this entire experience because this was to give you a new start!! You need to see that you are better than you think!!!" That was a great wake up call!!! I love personal revelation!!! It is so amazing!!

This morning, I have received another revelation which has shown unto me the TRUE reason I have been placed here! You know how I am all about first impressions? Well, I have been relying on those too much and have based my entire relationship with people on something as insignificant as that! The scripture is Matthew 6:14- "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, our heavenly Father will forgive you." and this hit a sore spot with me!! I have been so blind and unforgiving and it is time that I just let go and move on with my life!! I have been judging the girls here too harshly and I need to give it up!! I can't believe I have been holding onto this for this long!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!! I am so stupid sometimes!!! I am going to start, with the new me,  to BECOME a new person with new goals and a new personality!!!

I... After realizing these life changing ideas and concepts I realized today that I only have 33 days left in this country... I am becoming so much more than I would have if I would have stayed in America! It slowly gets closer to the day in which I have to say goodbye to this country and the people forever!! I can't believe it!! I just want to stay and leave all at the same time!!!

New Me!!

While I have been here, in Kyiv, I had a lot of time to think... I had a lot of time to look back and peek into the future... I didn't like what I saw, so I decided to change it! It is time for a New Me. This is the name I've given my new project!! I have decided to go full out! I am going to change almost EVERYTHING: my hair, my makeup, my style, my weight, and the way I treat the world. I want this to be a time to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically! There is no better time to have a fresh start! The time is now to start living my life the way I should have before!! The question is.... where do I start?

I have decided to start by growing spiritually and physically first. I know that once my life is balanced, it will be easier to grow emotionally and mentally. I need to start exercising daily and not giving up! I need to push myself to lose weight and to keep it off! NO MORE BREAD! If I do eat bread, then it will only be a very little bit. NO MORE FAST FOOD!! That does mean Pazata Hata too... LOTS OF WATER! I have not been drinking enough and am getting sick as a result to that. WALK, DON'T RIDE!!! I am going to walk to school instead of paying for a 5 minute ride. GET OFF MY FAT BUTT!!! If I am ever going to lose weight, I need to stop sitting down so much!! I need to keep active and be out there! I need to go see places, wake up early and go explore!! I need to DO something!!!

Spirituallity will not come from just sitting, thinking of what to do. I need to ACT. I need to start reading my scriptures daily, writing in my journal, praying more often, and trying with all my power to do things right!!! I need to get my life on the same track that Heavenly Father wants for me! I may get derailed a couple of times, but as long as I am facing the Lord and keep pushing, I know I will get there!! I have to try!!! I once heard that if you do something for 3 weeks, it becomes a habit! Let's start our goal by going 3 weeks!! Then pushing even further!!!

Close to the End

This close to the end, I don't know how I'm ever going to leave... I love the people, I love the adventures, and I love being able to take care of myself!! It is so frustrating when I can't seem to think anymore!!! It is making it so hard to look at these little children and say that I am leaving... I don't want to.... But I do want to.... Life is so confusing! I can't wait to get home so it can all be normal again!! It isn't that I don't like it here... It's that I like it too much that I may never want to leave... Oh how I hate goodbyes!!!